每年哈佛校报都会筛选10个当年入学新生的优秀申请文书在其网站，并附有点评，并且推荐人写出了为什么能打动自己，从这些优秀文书中，可以总结出一些比较好的写作手法和讲故事的逻辑，再结合自己的文书写作，兴许会有一个质的提升，希望对大家有所帮助。
眼下申请季已经紧锣密鼓的开启，早申的同学已经着手文书写作和修改，希望这些优秀的文书能给大家带来新的启发。
注意：这些文书除了个别隐私细节删减外，尽量保证了学生提交时的原文，包括一些可能存在的语法错误。
第一篇
学生： Sanra
背景： State: Massachusetts, USA High School: Public school, 306 stuents in grauating class Ethnicity: Asian Gener: Female GPA: 3.95 out of 4.0 SAT / ACT: n/a SAT Subject Tests Taken: n/a Extracurriculars: Moel Unite Nations presient, Working to Help the Homeless presient, Belmontian (community service club) secretary, Speech an Debate founer an presient Awars: AP National Scholar, Belmont High School Book Awar, Belmont Latin Book Awar, high honor roll Major: Psychology
ESSAY
"Ut Italiam laeti Latiumque petamus"
"Sanra, woul you min reaing the next few lines an translating them for us?"
The professor glance at me, a kin glimmer in his bespectacle eyes. I gulpe. I was in a classroom of eighteen, five of whom were high school Latin teachers. An I was suppose to recite an translate Livy's Ab Urbe conita — with elisions! After fumbling through a few wors an mistaking a verb for a noun, I finishe the first sentence. I skimme the secon line, looking for the main verb. Singular. I searche for a singular noun an piece the two together. Then, I notice an accusative an ae it as a irect object. As I continue, a burst of exhilaration shot through my boy. My eyes arte across the page, fining a verb, a noun, an objects. I reache the en of the passage an grinne, relief pulsing in my veins.
"Very goo!" The professor beame at me before selecting his next victim.
A few months ago, I never woul have imagine myself sitting in Harvar's Boylston Hall this summer for six hours a week, cherishing the ancient literature of Rome. Even though the professor ecie I was eligible for the course espite not taking the prerequisite, I was still nervous. I worke har in the class, an it remine me just how much I love the language.
Translating has always given me great pleasure an great pain. It is much like completing a jigsaw puzzle. Next, I look for phrases that connect the entire clause — oes this ajective match this noun? Does this puzzle piece have the right shape? The mile of the sentence is the trickiest, full of convolute epenent clauses, pieces colore ambiguously an with curves an eges on all four sies. I am sometimes tangle in the syntax, one of the worst feelings in the worl. After analyzing every wor, I try to rearrange the pieces so they fit together. When they finally o, I am fille with a satisfaction like no other. Translating forces me to rattle my brain, looking for grammatical rules hien in my min's nooks an crannies. It pushes my intellectual bounaries. No other language is as precise, using inflection to express gener, number, an case in just one wor. When I pull apart a sentence, I am simultaneously ivulging the secrets of an ancient civilization. Renowne scholars are telling the stories of their time through these wors! No other language is as meticulous. Every line follows the same meter an the arrangement of every wor is with a purpose. The story of Pyramus an Thisbe inclues a sentence where the wor "wall" is places between the wors "Pyramus" an "Thisbe" to visually show the lovers' separation. Translating is like life itself; the wors are not in logical orer. One cannot expect the subject of a sentence to appear at the beginning of a clause, just like one cannot plan the chronology of life. Like the elaye verb, we o not always know what is happening in our lives; we just know it is happening.
When translating we notice the nouns, the ajectives, an the conjunctions just like we see the people, senses, an connections of our lives. However, we often o not know what we are oing an ask ourselves the age-ol question: Why are we here? Perhaps we are here to learn, to teach, to help, to serve, to lea, or just to live. We travel through life to ecie what our purpose is, an it is that suspense an our unknown estinies that make the journey so irresistibly beautiful. I feel that same suspense an unknown when I translate, because I am beautifully struggling to unlock a past I know very little of. It is unbelievably exhilarating.
Thus, I question why others consier Latin a ea language. It is alive in all of the Western worl. The Romance languages of French, Spanish, an Italian all have Latin origins. Without Latin, I woul not be able to write this essay! It is alive in the stories it tells. You may see an apple an associate it with orchars, juice, pie, an fall. When I see an apple, I think of the apple of iscor thrown by Eris that ultimately cause the Trojan War. This event, albeit estructive an terrifying, leas to the flight of Aeneas an eventually, his founing of Rome.
I stuy Latin for its rewaring return, increible precision, intellectual challenge, rich history an culture, an eep influence on our worl. I stuy Latin to show others how beautiful it is, to encourage the worl that it shoul be value. I stuy Latin to lea our society, like Aeneas i, towar a new city, a new awn where everyone appreciates a mental trial of wits, everyone marvels at a vibrant past, an no one woners whether Latin is ea or not.
点评
What is most striking about Sanra's essay was not the fact that she was taking a class alongsie high school Latin teachers, or that she was taking a summer class at Harvar. Rather, it was how in-epth Sanra went into her thought process when translating Latin. It became clear from the vivi etail with which she escribe her translating process that she takes it rather seriously, an it is always a pleasure to rea application essays that make such passion clear.
That sai, there are times where Sanra's writing appears to eliberately make something engaging when there is no nee. For example, “One cannot expect the subject of a sentence to appear at the beginning of a clause, just like one cannot plan the chronology of life” seeme to be an intentionally poetic sentence mae to fit Sanra's claim that “translating is like life itself.” Overall, the simile works, but you shoul not feel force to make ramatic claims in your essay. If you write about something that you are passionate about, that shoul naturally become clear in the way you write.
第二篇
学生： Kevin
背景： State: New Jersey, USA High School: Private ay school, 130 stuents in grauating class Ethnicity: Asian Gener: Male GPA: 4.0 out of 4.0 SAT / ACT: R: 770, W: 750, Math 800 SAT Subject Tests Taken: Math 2, Chem, US History Extracurriculars: Varsity Soccer, Orchestra, Finance organization Awars: Cum Laue Major: Applie Math
ESSAY
I stoo frozen in the prouce aisle at ShopRite, wonering which of the five varieties of oranges to buy. Valencia, bloo orange, organic, Floria navel – what were the ifferences? When I aske my mom which variety she was looking for, she respone curtly, “It’s your choice. Pick what you want.” The thing was, I in’t know what I wante.
For my parents, this level of freeom – even in the orange section of the grocery store — is somewhat unique to the Unite States. The lingering policies of the Cultural Revolution in 1970s China ictate life choices for my parents; growing up in poverty, their families’ sole concern was putting foo on the table. As a result of economic isavantage, higher eucation became my parents’ life goal. “If I in’t make it to college,” my a tol me, “I woul have been trappe in that goforsaken village for the rest of my life” (only one-tenth of his high school ever mae it). My parents in’t have a choice: my mom’s entire life revolve aroun stuying, an my a was spanke into shape at home. Sports, music, or entertainment were out of the question – my parents’ only option was to work har an ream of a choice in America.
The miraculous thing is that my parents, having no freeom of choice for the better part of twenty years, still ha the vision to grant me choice in the Unite States. Unfortunately, this is not common, even in our belove lan of opportunity. All I have to o is talk to my closest chilhoo friens - chilren of other Asian-American immigrants – to see the glass walls that cultural an familial expectation have erecte aroun their lives. For some of them, playing the piano is an obligation, not a hobby, an meical school is the only career option.
Oly enough, I ha always felt a bit left out when I was younger – why weren’t my parents signing me up for American Math Competitions an mile school summer research programs, when all my friens were oing them? I’ve come to realize, though, that having the choice to o the things I’m intereste in brings out an enthusiasm I can explore passionately an fully. My many hobbies – playing soccer with our neighbor in my backyar, filing aroun with Menelssohn on my violin, or even talking to my frien about our latest stock picks – all have come from me, an I’m forever grateful to my parents for that.
The contrast between my parents’ lives an mine is shocking. In the Unite States, I have so many paths available to me that I sometimes can’t even choose. I on’t even know what kin of oranges to buy, yet oranges – or any other fruit - were precious elicacies to my a as a chil. I can ream of attening a school like Harvar an stuying whatever I want, whether it be math, economics, or even philosophy or biochemistry – a non-existent choice for my parents, who were assigne majors by their universities. I can even ream of becoming an entrepreneur, which I see as exploration an self-estiny in its purest form. I can be sure that wherever my true passions take me, my parents will support the choices that I make, as they have for seventeen years.
Most importantly, though, I value that Harvar, with its centuries-long evotion to eucating the full person, fosters the same sense of choice for its stuents that I have come to so eeply appreciate in my parents. I am exhilarate to have the freeom to efine my own acaemic journey an, looking forwar, for this upcoming four-year oyssey to lay the grounwork for a lifetime of exploration. For me, thankfully, it’s all possible - but only because of the sacrifice an vision of my parents.
点评：
Kevin begins his essay with an anecote, a trie an true metho of grabbing reaers’ attention. Through the colorful imagery of choosing oranges in the store, Kevin begins to construct a theme of self-irection.
References to his parents' past show Kevin’s appreciation for their struggles as well as his broaer awareness of global issues. This contextualizes not only his application, but also his minset. We see Kevin reflect on his chilhoo, his initial mental perturbation about not being like other chilren finally reconcile with his unerstaning of his unique opportunity. Kevin further shows his self-awareness of his freeom to pursue his own interests — a strong choice, as many colleges esire intellectually curious stuents.
Kevin closes his essay with a return to his anecote about choosing images in the store, a full-circle imagery metho which helps to unerscore his essay's theme. He makes clear that he woul make the most of his college eucation, an just as importantly, that he appreciates the values of the school to which he's applying. Kevin ens his essay on an uplifting, mature note, reflecting what kin of stuent he woul be on campus.
