美国纽约大学本科新生体育管理专业录取案例

学生姓名

D同学

文案及部门

美国高端文案部

顾问/规划师及部门

季永杰-金吉列上海

申请类型

本科新生

教育经历

09/2018-07/2021人大附中朝阳分校高中A Leveltrack无GPA

09/2015-07/2018首都师范大学附属中学初中

语言/标化考试成绩

IELTS 7.0，Duolingo 130

工作经历

无

活动经历

1.        Concoria International School Shanghai Moel Unite Nations   

Delegate of Turkey in the Special Conference of Slavery an Human Trafficking     Shanghai, China

Ÿ   Compose the resolution on eliminating the trafficking of females for the purpose of force prostitution.

Ÿ   Participate in the ebate an mae amenments to replenish our resolution.

2.        Tianjin Moel Unite Nations    

Delegate of Austria in the European Union                              Tianjin, China

Ÿ   Contribute to the resolution preventing further aggravation of the EU migration crisis.

Ÿ   Gaine the pass for our resolution with 11 votes an zero objection.

3.        RDFZ Chaoyang Branch School HOSA Club        

Co-founer                                                           Beijing, China

Ÿ   Arrange lesson plans for scientific warm-up an organize weekly club activities on complicate grief, first ai, as well as boy ysmorphic isorer.

4.        Beijing High School Stuents News Agency                                                

Reporter an Author                                                  Beijing, China

Ÿ   Wrote press releases an articles publishe on the WeChat Official Account of Gen-Z Lab, such as the LGBT article "Love Is Not a Sin" on May 17th.

5.        Propagana Department of House Stuent Government    

Operator of House WeChat Official Account                            Beijing, China

Ÿ   Develope, esigne, as well as manage the Account an eite articles publishe on the Account.

Provie technical support for the House.

6.        JEA China-Youth Impact Communication       

Group Leaer                                                         Beijing, China

Ÿ   Le group members to enhance stuents' awareness of private information protection by elivering presentations an putting up posters.

7.        Project for Scientific Research Course     

Project Organizer                                                      Beijing, China

Ÿ   Wrote etaile scheme an instructions for the online lost an foun platform for my high school.

8.        Physics Tutoring         

Volunteer Physics Tutor                                                Beijing, China

Ÿ   Instructe six stuents in projectile motion, Young moulus, superposition of waves, an simple harmonic motion before monthly quiz.

9.        Equuleus International Riing Club     

Equestrian, Junior Show Jumper, an Volunteer                         Beijing, China

Ÿ   Compete in the 50cm jumping competition an ressage.

Ÿ   Passe the Progressive Riing Test an got the British Horse Society Certificate.

Ÿ   Volunteere to tack up, untack, walk an groom horses, an worke as a counting juge in the competition.

10.      School Baseball Club    

Baseball Player                                                        Beijing, China

Ÿ   Participate in routine training an complete in baseball games by cooperating with teammates.

科研经历

无

奖项/证书

1.        Top 20 in Creative Problem-Solving Program in HOSA 43r Annual International Leaership Conference                                                                          

2.        Silver Awar in Health Eucation at China HOSA 2020 National Leaership Conference     

3.        JEA China Youth Impact Communication - Honorable Awar                                                 

4.        First Place in 50cm Jumping Competition in 2019 Equestrian Championship Tournament Beijing Division 

5.        Thir Place in Dressage in Equuleus & Camelot Show Jumping Summer Competition Beijing in 2018     Significant Contribution Awar in RDFZ Chaoyang Branch School             

申请结果

院校

专业

结果

Ohio State University, Columbus

Sociology

录取

New York University

Sports Management

录取

Emerson College

Public Relations

录取

背景分析

学生优势：

1.        高中是Alevel课程，美国大学认可度更高

2.        雅思和多邻国成绩较高

3.        学生课余活动类型多样，且有深度参与，取得成绩，言之有物

4.        学生对于申请专业和院校有很强烈的兴趣和主见，所以在申请过程中，配合度很高

学生劣势：

1.        高中成绩不是特别突出，有些科目出现B和C

2.        学生的想法多样且零散，所以在操作文书过程中，想表达过多的内容，容易跑题

3.        学生对社会科学领域的了解只限于兴趣层面，没有专业且系统的研究过，所以在文书素材和活动描述里，表达不够准确，不能精准地体现在自己的优势

文书思路

Common Essay思路

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've alreay written, one that respons to a ifferent prompt, or one of your own esign. (250-650wors)

首先，学生的首选目标院校和专业是NYU的Sports Management, 所以从她丰富的活动经历中，我们觉得选用她学习马术和比赛的素材，和体育管理相关，更能引起学校的注意。其次，这是个非限定题目，所以我们没有受题目显示，而是利用这个机会向学校展示真实的性格特点和自我成长，即从“逃避风险”到“勇敢面对”的转变。基于以上2点，这篇文书的素材选用的是她在学习马术的一段经历。最初学习一个马术动作时，学生经历过摔倒后就一蹶不振，不敢再尝试。后来在担任比赛志愿者时，受到比赛规则的启发，意识到不能轻易放弃，而是应该勇敢尝试。坚持不断尝试的过程远比一个结果重要。而后鼓起勇气，继续参与训练，终于成功掌握这个动作。这篇文书旨在向学校展示学生的心态转变和自我成长。

NYU Essay思路

Why NYU? We woul like to know more about your interest in NYU. What motivate you to apply to NYU? Why have you applie or expresse interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, an or area of stuy? If you have applie to more than one, please also tell us why you are intereste in these aitional areas of stuy or campuses. We want to unerstan - Why NYU? (400 wor maximum)

首先，学生在马场学习马术时认识了一位NYU的校友，也是NYU马术队的成员，由此引起了她对该校的兴趣。其次，经过8年的马术学习，学生未来想要成为eventmanager来推广马术比赛，因此想要到Sports Management专业学习相关知识。再次，描述想要在该专业学习哪些知识，参与哪些实习项目。最后，表达下学生的性格和经历和NYU多元化的国际氛围相契合。从以上这4个方面，体现学生对NYU和该专业的强烈兴趣，以及学生与该校和专业的契合度。

申请总结

这位同学属于想法很丰富，思路灵活，但是急切地想要在文书里表达过多东西，这样容易导致文书跑题。同时，学生有些焦虑和不自信，不断找学校的counselor修改文书。所以，在操作文书的过程中，她经常提出不同的修改意见，前后的修改思路不一致，导致文书修改了10多稿，写作进度一再被拖延。

针对这一难点，文案老师采取了2个方法，有效推进了文书的操作进度。第一，针对文书跑题的问题，文案在修改文书的过程中，会修改和删减其跑题内容，突显文章的主体思路。同时，除了做出修改之外，我还会把修改原因，比如她的内容为什么跑题，修改后是如何体现主题，如何上下文逻辑更通顺，这些都在批注里标注清楚。这些修改意见使学生更加信服文案老师的专业度。第二，针对学生反复修改文书无法定稿的问题，文案老师通过语音沟通，将文书的每段写作思路和作用，给学生详细讲解。这样起到了安抚学生情绪，增强其信心的作用，最终能在第12稿时顺利定稿。